I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year!! Thankyou so much for the cards I received, I had a horrendously hectic RL Chrimbo going on and utterly botched getting any cards written and sent :( I did not botch get food eaten, and I still seem to be suffering ;)

In addition to feeling like an utter failure at life, dieting, and livejournal, I currently also feel like a creepy little voyeur - I've spent the last god knows how many months reading and reading and reading my flist, and not posting a thing apart from sporadic comments. It just suddenly occurred to me how creepy that kind of behaviour is, seriously, I mean, some of you guys are writing about really intimate parts of your lives, and I feel like we really don't know each other any more :(

Because I am far too lazy to do a proper update, here is my attempt at telling you what I've been doing, to even things up a bit ;)

• Perming my hair. It's grown out and returned to it's natural colour from the short and funky coloured mess I made of it. I now parade about the place with a mass of wild red curls (which mostly looks like I haven't bothered to brush it. Usually because I haven't.)



•  Finding myself having had a Person for an entire year. Yes, I was one half of a couple for all of 2009. This is new for me. I like it.



• Decorating my room. It is gorgeous although cramped, and still a little quirky, full of sentimental rubbish, but more mature than it's even been before. Eek!



• Missing my housepets. 2009 was also the first entire year I've spent without a housepet, be it cats, rats, gerbils, hamsters or fish.



• Donating blood. I went three times - the first, I almost assaulted the nurse, because she fiddled and twiddled and bodged so much that she hit a nerve and made my arm spasm and hurt like crazy, then refused to take out the needle. The second time I was (understandably, I feel) terrified, and thus babbled on and demanded a nice nurse. Which I got, and it all went without a hitch. The third time, it all went fine, I went to eat my biscuit and drink my juice, and I threw up and passed out. They haven't invited me back XD



• Training Mat into horseyness. He has yet to have any real riding lessons (no excuse now, since I bought him all the gear he needed for Christmas!) but he can groom, poo pick, change rugs, turn out and so forth :D



• Getting a new horse. Libby is settled well, and seems to like us. She now comes for cuddles, but is still very demanding and feels that she is in charge. I am rectifying this situation by doing mean things like hosing her with cold water and not stopping until she stands still. (This is not some kind of cruel torture. Her butt was shitty, it needed washed, she didn't want it. Sometimes, you have to put up with things you don't want, Libs!!)



• Playing Assassin's Creed 2 on the sexy PS3 I got for Christmas :D :D :D. It has been a LONG time since I've loved a game this much, and wanted to spend every waking moment playing it (the first Harry Potter game on the PS1).



• Um.

I want to update more. I miss you guys, painfully so. I have things I want to tell you about. I've made myself a purdy new layout to try and make me feel more comfortable back in my own LJ, and I've tweaked my flist a bit - I've deleted a few inactive journals of people I never really interacted with much, and I'm afraid twitter reposts have finally had me hitting the delete button too - one or two people who I barely had any connection with and who no longer did anything other than use a twitter feed are gone, people who I adore but are only twittering are off my default reading filter. I feel slightly ashamed of myself for that, since I've not posted in forever and here I am bitching about what people post, but honestly, I need to feel really comfortable with my reading filter again (currently EVERY personal journal which is NOT just a twitter feed is on my default filter and I read it pretty much daily) and twitter stops me doing that. Chances are, I'm going to get rid of a few more inactive journals over the next week, just as part of cleaning up (if you're like me, reading but not posting, and you don't want to be lost, please let me know! It's mostly people I met at Sectus, and it makes me sad to have lost touch with so many people).

Oh and also? I'm happy right now. Really, really happy.

I just wondered - how do you guys feel about foxhunting? Traditional, horseback foxhunting with a pack of hounds. Without googling, what exactly do you think it entails? What is your perception of it as a sport, and of those who support and/or participate in it? Would you ever consider following a hunt (on foot, very common practice) in order to further 'educate' yourself and formulate an informed opinion?

I will state for the record that I am pro-hunting, and if you comment here, I may well prod you with further questions or challenge your viewpoints, but I will never EVER bash or even dislike you for being anti, unless you are/would be/support the active saboteurs. I'm simply curious due to a current surge in foxhunting debates due to a recent Lush campaign in support of the sabs.

IP logging off and anon commenting on, just in case :)

I've sucked at posting lately. I know I have, and one of the reasons I've put it off is because SO MANY of my posts begin with 'I suck at posting' or an apology or something.

But honestly, I haven't really wanted to. I feel like I've changed a lot, particularly over the last twelve months, and I'm not sure if that means that people I used to be really close friends with are not my friends any more, or if I've just failed at communicating and need to get started again. I've also had a pretty crappy time of it - worse than some, not as bad as others, but not much fun at all for ME. This is changing though, and I want to start posting and reconnecting again.

Things have been sort of shit. I have some debts, which are obviously my fault, but have gotten awkward due also to awkward circumstances. I've had some general day-to-day issues - my car fell apart over a month ago, and I was stuck unable to gt to my ponies - my mother's car then died entirely, while I was driving it, but due to her not getting a minor problem looked at. We've not had a running vehicle in our household for almost two weeks. Doesn't sound long, but when you have two small babies to get places and horses who live miles away from bus routes, it becomes a huge problem.

Debts, plus job situation (which is part of the awkward circumstances, and a very long story), plus being unable to spend as much time with my horses as I'd like (lack of funds over the summer meant limited trips to see them) led to me being...not depressed, but very disinterested. In pretty much everything. Being unable to socialise AT ALL made me miserable.

HOWEVER. I posted earlier in the year about a compensation claim that I made coming through. It got complicated, and it got delayed, and it made me even more grumpy. It came through this morning. And I feel incredibly shallow, and like a very bad person all in all, but OMG THE RELIEF I FEEL IS OVERWHELMING.

It means I can pay off my debts. It means I can go to London and visit people. It means I can pay for my new car, and put it through a service and all the other things it needs, which means I can drive my mum about, and get to my ponies, and go and visit OTHER people. It means I can spoil my mum a bit, and my boyfriend who has been amazing over the last few months while I've been penniless, and I can just go out for a drink with my friends. It means I can buy people presents at Christmas this year. More than anything, it means that I can spoil my ponies this winter, and boy do they deserve it. They've scrimped along on a shoestring, having the very basics of everything for the last year at least, and this winter, they are going to live in luxury. It means that I can FINALLY get my hair cut XD

And it means that I feel like I want to be part of social groups again. I want to be talking to people I used to talk to and interested in the things I used to love. And it means I have the financial ability to do that now. It means that my life can start up again, instead of stagnating.

I've missed you all <3

I am mostly absent at the moment, as my dying laptop has decided it is no longer friends with the internet :( It will connect, but then ask it to do anything like log in to Gtalk or allow Firefox to show me stuff, and, well, computer says no.

I am scrounging my mother's laptop long enough to moan about the fact that mine is borked, and to check emails every now and then, but I don't really have the time to do much else :(

Lack of internet means that I am getting all sorts of things done though - my room is fully decorated (and so pretty!) but empty, the carpet is coming tomorrow (yay!) and all my shit will be going back in, my new bed will be...later in the week. Millie is fat but lovely and not enjoying being ridden pretty much daily now that the weather is mostly co-operative. Lola is also fat and sometimes less than lovely, since she is also being worked almost daily due to a physical problem which I am crossing EVERYTHING she will grow out of. It certainly didn't give her much trouble two days ago when she bolted, broke a fence, jumped another, and then galloped around for ten minutes while Millie, Mat, the old decrepit horse whose pasture she was tearing wildly around, and the neighbouring horses looked on in bewilderment as I ran around after her.

Today I am applying for a FABULOUS job that I want SO SO MUCH and I am scared that I am atrociously underqualified for but more than capable of doing. It is slap bang in between my house and my yard and thus will not throw out my general circle of travel AT ALL. It is horsey, and it is a fabulous opportunity, and please cross everything for me because it is SO what I need right now!

And now I am going to run away and apply for said job, and then sit and bite my fingernails until I hear back XD

Oh gosh I'm rubbish. In addition to having dodgy internet for a few weeks that didn't like letting me reply to comments, I've just been lazy and utterly failed at LJ AGAIN XD

I have been doing all sorts of things though!! Here they are in list form so that I don't get too caught up in storytelling :P

- Went to see Take That live at the beginning of their tour. Absolutely AMAZING show, considering I'm not that 'into' them any more, but getting the opportunity to go and see the first band that I really adored as a kid was too good to pass up, and was definitely worth it.

- Stayed at Mat's for almost a month while his grandparents were away. It was relaxing and comfortable and domesticated (we walked the dog to the shops every couple of days to buy bread and milk, and I cleaned while he mowed the lawn, and we cooked dinner together every night) and I miss it a ridiculous amount. Also him, because after going to sleep and waking up beside someone every day, it becomes habit, and it's a hard one to break for me XD We did fight and piss each other off a bit, but no more than I expected!

- Took Millie to a horse show where she behaved absolutely impeccably and was wonderful and won me a pretty ribbon!

- Took Millie to a horse show where she behaved absolutely impeccably but for some reason decided to fall all over all the fences and thus, did not win me any pretty ribbons XD

- Took Lola out for a walk, where she politely plonked alongside me for a few minutes, politely offered her face for scratches at every opportunity, politely avoided stepping on the dog who was walking with us, then politely kicked me in the head and tried to tank back to the yard, giving me rope burn and a sore bonce for a few days.

- Decided that, since the whole house was being redecorated, so was my room. So I shifted everything out of it, and proceeded to paint, wallpaper, more paint, and then more wallpaper, all by myself. It turns out that I am awesome at decorating. My wallpaper is pretty. I am now sleeping on a mattress on the floor while we wait to have the carpet fitted, and then I get a new bed \o/

- Got Mat some lovely presents for his birthday, which was yesterday, then invited myself along on his lads night out (which was fine, because as one of the guys said, there's not much they'd do on a lads night that they couldn't take me along to XD) had a fabulous time and then spoiled it all by getting my stupid, prideful head on and rowing with Mat. I then spoiled it further by having a pathetic little mini heart attack and passing out all over him.

- Wished furiously that I was at Azkatraz with all the rest of you <3

- Decided I missed LJ and you guys and am coming back to it. Again.

I am itchy, lately. There is no other way to describe it. I am physically itchy, not with actual itches, but because I want to be doing more - I want to be more active, I want to be riding my horse more (I had a huge blow to my confidence at a job interview recently, which has made me a little unwilling to actually get my butt into gear and ride), I want to be out doing active things because I REALLY want to be fit enough to think about training to play rugby when the season starts up again. I am completely unhappy with my weight and my figure at the moment. And yet I am spending so much time sat around doing nothing, and it's like this constant little niggle, right around my lower back, that is telling me to go out and do stuff.

I am mentally itchy because it's the first time in a while that I've actually wanted to be studying and learning new things. I want to learn to speak French, I want to brush up on my German (which used to be really good and is now...way less than mediocre). I want to finish learning all the things I started learning about horses, about anatomy and physiology and behaviour and evolution. I want to study history. I want to study English language, and maybe literature, because for someone who claims to love reading and be obsessive about books, my knowledge of English lit is embarrassingly sparse. I want to just read more - I recently picked up a couple of books for the first time in months and finished them within a week, and now I want to read MORE - I used to have the excuse of reading too much fic to keep up with books but since I'm also reading the first fic that I've read in months, I haven't got a leg to stand on. I want to read the news, watch the news, learn about what's going on in the world in more than a peripheral sense.

Emotionally, I am way more than itchy. I managed to not break up with Mat (I have yet to decide whether this is a good or a bad thing) and while he makes me so happy, I am also incredibly frustrated with him about eighty percent of the time XD Right now, I am on the couch in his house, where I have been since 4.30am (it's 6am as I'm writing this), having gone to bed at midnight while he sat here playing poker for about six hours. I then got woken up at god knows what time when he came to bed, and insisted on cuddling me, in an already hot bed. When an alarm went off in another room at 4.30, I gave in and realised I wasn't getting any more sleep.

I wouldn't be in such a shitty mood about it, if it hadn't been for the shitty sex from the night before (which could have been good, if he hadn't wanted to stop just as things were getting started to watch TV instead, and then ended by him fumbling, me being completely turned off to the point of painful, and him coming really fast, and then that was it) followed by my making a big effort last night which went completely unnoticed in favour of internet poker. I have largely gone unnoticed in favour of internet poker for the last few days. Normally I wouldn't mind, but lately, it's really getting to me.

That's all an aside though, because more than all that, I am itchy to get my friendships back. I miss you guys, those of you that I only 'know' online and even more, those of you who are 'real life' friends. I feel so completely disconnected from so many of you - I know it's partly my fault, because I'm changing so much, but some of you are people who absolutely changed me for the better a few years ago, and I thought I would know you forever. Now I'm not sure if we'd have anything to say if we saw each other, if I'd like you, and especially if you'd like me as I am these days.

I want to reconnect with people - being absolutely broke means I barely see any of my friends here at the moment, and it's making me miss my LJ friends, my horsey forum friends, my Facebook friends, my school and uni friends who I've barely spoken to in years.

So I'm gonna try and make a fresh start. I've changed my layout and it is all pretty and green and fresh and summery, and I think I'm going to do an intro type post about the 'new' me lol. Because trying to fit back into my old habits and ways really isn't working, so I might as well carve out all new ones, right?!

(Millie and Lola are great btw :D)

( TMI :D )

I think, that when people ask me about my interests now, and I say 'riding', I might not always be talking about Millie ;)

Also yay is waiting for aforementioned ride (heh) to turn up and take me to get my tyre fixed, so that I can collect the adorable magic_at_mungos from the train station tomorrow in a fully functioning Car of Pink!!

ATTENTION AMERICANS!!!

More specifically, ATTENTION AMERICANS WHO CAN BAKE!!

Or Brits who know the answer, I suppose. I have a recipe calling for cream cheese. A sweet recipe (cream cheese frosting on a cake). Is this the kind of cream cheese that I'm used to over here in lil' old England?! I.E. something savoury that I'd usually have on bagels with smoked salmon, best known brand being Philadelphia? Or some other random thing that I have yet to discover?

Right, those of you with the fucking 'automatically shipped by Loudtwitter' posts? I've filtered you out of my default friends page, which is the only one I regularly read. Sorry, but I don't wanna read that shit. If I wanted to read one side of a conversation, I'd use twitter and follow you on that. I don't, and although I like all of (and even love some of) you, and want to interact with you on here, I am sick of scrolling past six or seven entries in a row on my already nicely filtered friends page.

Sorry if you think I'm overreacting. I don't care. Personally, I think Loudtwitter (which i just typed as 'Loudtwatter' and seems very appropriate) is an easy way for people to be kinda rude and ignorant. Don't wanna post properly to LJ anymore? Fine, don't, but stop with the drivel already.

Ugh.

I slept SO WELL last night. I have been sleeping like crap lately, waking up stressed and worried, not sleeping straight through - the only time I sleep well is when I sleep with Mat, which is odd, since I don't normally do well with another person in bed. I think I am feeling very lonely and insecure at the moment though, and that probably has something to do with sleeping better when he's there. The rest of the time I have had to resort to sleepy pills, which generally just make me feel slow and stupid the next morning. And yes I feel a bit like that right now, but wow. I fell asleep just after ten last night, and slept straight through until 7.15 this morning, and when I woke up I was in almost exactly the same position I went to sleep in - half on my back and half on my side, instead of all on my side, and with my dressing gown over the top of me. Mmmm.

I moved my ponies at the weekend. I was SO looking forward to it, and SO happy once we got there - just down the road, onto the yard that I have wanted to be on for YEARS, with my best friend and right next to Mat's mum's house (literally - I can look out of the spare bedroom there and see my stalls) - so of course, it had to go all wrong.

Long story short, Lola was an absolute COW today, tried to jump out of the field, got caught in the fencing, very nearly ripped her back legs off but survived with just a cut on her nose (sadly, little madam needs to learn a lesson), and then spent an hour running me around the field and getting herself all sweaty and vile so that I had to hang around in the freezing cold for HOURS waiting for her to cool down and dry off. Millie was, as usual, a saint through the whole thing, and I will never, ever regret the day that I bought that amazing little horse.

I may well regret the day that I cried tears of joy over a blob on an ultrasound screen >_<

I am fighting with my mom. Well. We haven't spoken since Friday. I was kind of expecting something like this - she tend to have these little explosions when things go well for me, when I start getting stuff sorted out, but my priorities aren't her priorities. I spend a lot of time out of the house at times like this, because she makes home life as difficult for me as she can - she stops me spending time with the kids, but ignores the babies crying at night, so I have to get up to see to them. She makes it difficult for me to do basic things - shower, use the bathroom, eat - knowing that I will eventually be so hungry, or the stress and embarrassment of having to shower at other people's houses will make me crack, but honestly? I'm too exhausted to have the conciliatory fight any more. I can't try and point out her completely insane reasoning, and I can't keep giving in. I've done that with her my whole life, and it's crossed over into my interactions with other people - I almost broke up with Mat because I put my foot down and decided not to, so I'm not going to let her fucking win.

I really wish I could go get some food though. Two pieces of toast and a banana is not enough to deal with running around after crazy ponies XD

My extra icon spaces are running out soon, apparently. I barely use half of them, but this still makes me kinda sad :(

I would really like tonight's sleepy pills to kick in some time soon XD

There's this smell, a fairly distinctive odour, that for years I have associated with my cousin, well, more his bedroom. When I went to visit him last year, it struck me as odd that his room didn't have this particular smell. Having never really smelled it elsewhere, it never occurred to me that it was anything more than a combination of computers (they totally have a smell, and he always had several running in his room) and his general scent.

I now recognise it as the smell of computers, sweaty boy, and spunk. Having never spent much time in a room where there would be a large quantity of sweaty boy and/or spunk, I had obviously never encountered it before.

I'm not sure what is worse - having the smell of the room where I've been banging my boyfriend remind me of my cousin and the room where I first encountered the Intarwebz, or realizing just what that smell probably was, and thus tainting several fond childhood memories.

---

I am going out tonight to have drinks with people I don't know, in honour of the eighteenth birthday of the girl who apparently counts as one of Mat's worst ever sexual encounters. She and her friend still have a bit of a thing for him (their standards are low). It is going to be awfully hard not to be revoltingly smug and drape myself possessively all over him.

---

I cleared out all my clothes yesterday, threw a bunch out for charity - I made a bunch of space in my wardrobe, cleared out two large drawers and two small ones, and my underwear and socks are now spread over two large and one small drawers, my jammies and jammie socks over two small, so I can get to things without piling everything out onto the bed and cramming bras on top of each other. This is fun :D

I do have about forty shirts to iron and put away, but they all go in my small closet, so it's fine.

---

My fake-tanned-legs are splotchy :( This upsets me, since I am going out tomorrow night and I wanted to wear the pretty purple dress Mat bought me for Christmas. I could live with splotchy legs if only the dress looked awesome - sadly, it is too big on the boobs and thus requires padding and taping and much fussing :( But it is PURPLE.

---

I wish my sex drive would decrease. Or even like, die for a week or two.

---

I want to change my layout, but I don't know what to. I want new icons - particularly pony ones - but I am useless and have no pretty photos to make pony icons. Blah.

So, for the first time ever this week, I had to have my doctor poke aorund 'down there' Was very nervous; I went in on Tuesday cos I'd been having 'issues' since Sunday, and the following conversation happened.

( TMI. From you Vee? What a shocker. )

I've missed a couple of days because I've been not-at-home and stuff, but here I am, catching up! I also have a bunch of entries open in tabs to reply to, since you guys seem to have been having a rough few days :( I'll get to them soon, I swear!!

Saturday made me happy in it's entirety, since I spent THE WHOLE DAY in bed/having sex. I'm suffering for it now, however, oh yes XD

Sunday was blah, except for om nom nom dinner with Mat's grandparents. OH MY GOD. Sunday lunch, which I used to dread, has become the highlight of my week. Roast lamb done PERFECTLY, cold ham, crispy golden roast potatoes, yummy weirdly mashed and spiced carrots, turnips and parsnips, cauliflower and broccoli cheese, mash with NO LUMPS (Mat's job - ohmygod I have a boyfriend who can make smooth mashed potato, was he built just for me?!) sprouts, home made gravy, hot bread - mmmmm. Followed by home made raspberry and strawberry jelly in a little cinnamon basket thing, with ice cream, and pears cooked in red wine, with cream. SO GOOD OMG. And a couple of hours in front of the massive wide screen TV with Mat. SUCH a good Sunday.

Today, eh. Snow is pretty, horses are pretty, horses in snow are very pretty. They are not, however, easy to deal with. My pipes are frozen - I am carting hot water up in the middle of the night for them to drink, and shovelling snow off a yard that gets NO sun is um. Not great fun XD But Millie is half clipped (I'm having to do a little each day, as it's too cold for me to hold the clippers for very long) and looking pretty, Lola is just generally adorable, and tomorrow, I intend to take pictures of them :D

Speaking of, I have a very great need to start getting Lola out and about alone. I have been horribly neglectful of her lately - apart from making sure she is clean(ish) and warm (toasty) and keeping up on her basic manners ('back', 'over', 'NO!' and walking beside me politely to and from the field) I've done nothing. She's SO good about being on her own now - really calm when Millie goes out for a ride, just neighs a little bit then goes back to grazing - taking her away from Millie is another story. If I leave Millie on the yard or in the field, Millie gets very upset, which upsets Lola. It starts with whinnying and trying to turn round, then dancing about, and eventually escalates to rearing and trying to bolt. NOT GOOD.

I'm thinking of getting a friend to ride Millie away from the yard - well out of hearing range - and then taking Lola out down the road and back. Just a short way, and just to have her out on her own. Maybe building it up a little at a time and slowly working up to having Millie walk away from her - because I really don't want her to grow up getting stressy when other horses walk away.

Hmmm. We shall see.

Nothing has made me overly happy today. Well, something did, but it is too TMI even for ME to post XD

Cheering was clipping Millie's legs and finding that all the scabs which have been so stubbornly clinging on and I was fretting about, are mostly just in her fur now and her legs are almost better \o/

Not so great is not really achieving ANYTHING and having a nasty long Saturday coming up. Also sleeping for two hours in the bath, ugh. And having my riding lesson cancel on me by NOT TURNING UP. Yeah thanks dude.

Weirdly, I also realized I really need to spend less time with my boy. Like, a LOT less. Because I'm finding myself horribly bereft and lonely when he's not around. Which is not good, and particularly annoying because three months ago I was used to doing stuff alone. Hmmm. Oooh this relationship stuff is hard!

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope it brings you everything you are hoping for - or if not, at least takes you forward in your life rather than back <3

The bosomful sillyshy tagged me a while back for the eight-days-of-things-that-make-you-happy meme, and I intended to start it today, to give me a kick start into posting more for the new year. But events conspired against me, and instead, I am resolving to post with something that made me happy EVERY DAY for all of January. I always have a thing about not posting scrappy little posts, and end up saving everything up so that I then have too much to post.

And I feel really disconnected from all of you lovely, lovely people right now, so I want to make an effort to post something each day - something about my day, something that happened to me, whatever. Just for January, I think. And I would love it if you guys responded with something about your day - anything, completely unrelated, whatever :D

So, starting today - my car broke this morning. Seriously, the first thing I go to do in the New Year - feed and turn out my ponies - and it goes wrong before I even get there :( Halfway round an island, the gearbox decided that no, it wouldn't go into second, it would stay in first, but the stick could go into neutral. Resulting in my needing a new gearbox, which I just don't have the money for right now, but which I am truly stuffed without, because I need to get back and forth to my ponies about three times a day at the moment D:

BUT. I had an incredible happy making thing happen this morning (at about two am) which kick started the New Year so well that I just can't be miserable about my car - for the first time, Mat and I both said 'I love you', while sober. Maybe small to some people, but it's HUGE to me - I've loved people before, but always felt awkward telling them, and I've never been 'in love' (I feel that to be 'in love' you need to have the other person love you back, and the same time). It just felt huge, especially since I said it first (he's actually said it to me a lot before, but always when he's been drunk/half asleep) and I was jittery and nervous. But it felt really natural saying it, and seeing this massive grin spread across his face just. It's been a long time since I've been that happy *_*

WE HAVE MICE IN THE BATHROOM D: D: D: We have no idea how they got in - we do have a small hole in the floorboards behind the sink, but how did they get into the floor?! And we have no idea what to do with them - my mom is an idiot and humane traps, I won't let her use regular ones, and I hate the idea of poisoning, besides which they'll probably go back to their nest, die, rot and stink. Ugh.

I don't mind mice. I have loads at the yard, and they are friendly and sweet, and cuddle my bunnies (seriously, I've caught the bunnies snuggled up with ten mice curled up to them before now) and sometimes I find them in my hay bucket, waiting for me to tip them out. But I don't want them in my house. Especially not in my bathroom XD

ANYWAY. I hope Christmas was awesome for everyone!! Mine was...different, and amazing, and fun, and made me a little sad because last Christmas I was with a very close friend who I don't think I'll ever be close to again. But this year was my busiest Christmas EVER - I was still shopping on Christmas Eve, taking Dylan for his first bus ride (which he loved - on the top of a double decker, in the front seats, 'it's like we're flying, Teetee!!'). Dinner with Mat's grandparents Christmas Eve, and then Mat stayed at mine; pissed me off royally so that I had an awful night of sleep, but waking up all snuggled up on Christmas morning was nice :D

I did Christmas morning at home, after visiting the ponies. It was very...meh. My family are not hugely Christmassy - it was nice seeing Dylan open his presents, since I was away the last two years, but other than that, it was just blah. I went to Mat's mum's house in the afternoon, and my presents from them were more awesome than those from my family (which sounds ungrateful, and probably is, but srsly, I was surprised and delighted by them, which is not something that EVER happens with pressies in my house). There was yummy food and chatting and lots and lots of drinking, and by midnight we were in Harry's mum's house (just down the road) drinking and dancing and being ridiculous.

Seeing my boyfriend groping his best mate's mum, and his own mother gyrating on the kitchen table was possibly the highlight of my Christmas XD

Mat and I left early and went back to his mum's house, and I discovered that although I like how handsy and grabby he gets when he is drunk, I do not appreciate his attitude towards sex when he is hammered. I didn't have to get violent, but it was close XD

Boxing Day I think he realised how pissed off I was, and instead of staying in bed like I knew he wanted to, he dutifully dragged himself up and out for several hours of car rides and a couple of hours of tramping around the countryside following the Boxing Day foxhunt. Dinner at his mum's again, and pissy tempers from the both of us that resulted in him arriving at my house late and miserable but you know, cuddles fix everything.

I got some lovely presents - money from my mum earlier in the month, so I could buy pony stuff that I was desperate for, and then some slippers and a hot water bottle that I reallllly wanted on Christmas Day. Also pyjamas to match, not the ones I liked but still nice, though FLEECE, so I will never be able to wear them at home XD She also got me a dressing gown, again, not the one I wanted - but when Mat got me another one she took it bag and swapped it for cigarettes. Niiiice XD

Two dresses (one too big, one too small, both of which I LOVE) from Mat, plus dressing gown. Possibly a book still to come :D A bottle of Advocaat, two lovely pairs of earrings and some bangles from his mum - all of which i LOVE but would never have thought to buy for myself. A jumper, pen set, and mine toolkit (in pink!) from his nan, which again, I love :D Some perfume (which I had written down exactly what I wanted and where it was cheapest), a puzzle book (um) and a weird little thing that is supposed to flash when my phone rings, only it isn't compatible with my phone, from my nan. And a fab top that I adore from my best mate :D

Tomorrow, I am not going out because I got no dollah! So I am making raspberry chocolate pie things, and going for pizza, beer and DVD's with my two best friends. I am excited and cheerful and really kind of looking forward to the New Year - for once I feel like I'm starting it from a good place, even though I still have sucky stuff hanging over my head.

I do have a broken toe from falling up the stairs (sober!!) a couple of days ago, but it is fine XD

And because I am cheery, here is a pic of me and my boy, looking ridrunkulous (but also a little cute, maybe?) from the rugby pre-Christmas blowout thinger.

( Not quite a smile XD )

Happy New Year everyone!!

The lovely flamewarrior tagged me :D

a. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
b. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

( There's almost never any questions I dislike... )

Hmmm. I always feel awkward tagging, but I tag _turtledove, calyxess, impysh, fadagaski, shinko, scrat_squirrel, sillyshy (who may have already been tagged/done this, but I am dippy and don't remember XD) and snailfin

My life is full of win right now.

My ponies are clean and happy and being so incredibly good at the moment it is glee-making.

I am watching Gossip Girl and painting my nails sparkly dark pink.

I have a huuuuuuge yummy pizza to nom on, that I didn't pay for.

I have an awesome boyfriend who keeps forcing orgasms on me and is letting me stay in his house and clean it while he goes to work (he thinks he's getting the good end of the deal here - he doesn't realise what a total bitch I will be about keeping it clean, and I totally owe him since I've been pretty much living here for two weeks).

If I won the lottery, I would have to kill myself, because I would never again be so happy.

Waking up to happy texts from America at four thirty this morning is possibly the only time I will ever not be mad at the time difference.

Going to sleep last night was like Christmas Eve, and this morning? This is better than any Christmas morning I've ever had.

Thankyou, America.

♥

HELP ME TO HAVE BETTER SEX.

No, seriously you guys. I mean. Occasionally it seems sort of good but it occurs to me that I'm only thinking that because it's not TERRIBLE like the first few times. But, he thinks it's been pretty bad too and now I am all OMG WHAT DO I DOOOO D:

So. What do I do?! I have NEVER been this nervous and ridiculous with girls, but I have also never had straight sex sober before, so I find myself terrified about oh, ninety percent of the time XD We are not eye to eye AT ALL kink-wise so anything I wanna try I can pretty much forget (for the time being). I am VERY submissive with guys so getting all pushy is really hard for me. I've pretty much gotten over my I HATE COCK issues (I don't close my eyes when he gets naked any more XD) and there's not a lot I won't try, so, um.

Help? Please?!