I am itchy, lately. There is no other way to describe it. I am physically itchy, not with actual itches, but because I want to be doing more - I want to be more active, I want to be riding my horse more (I had a huge blow to my confidence at a job interview recently, which has made me a little unwilling to actually get my butt into gear and ride), I want to be out doing active things because I REALLY want to be fit enough to think about training to play rugby when the season starts up again. I am completely unhappy with my weight and my figure at the moment. And yet I am spending so much time sat around doing nothing, and it's like this constant little niggle, right around my lower back, that is telling me to go out and do stuff.

I am mentally itchy because it's the first time in a while that I've actually wanted to be studying and learning new things. I want to learn to speak French, I want to brush up on my German (which used to be really good and is now...way less than mediocre). I want to finish learning all the things I started learning about horses, about anatomy and physiology and behaviour and evolution. I want to study history. I want to study English language, and maybe literature, because for someone who claims to love reading and be obsessive about books, my knowledge of English lit is embarrassingly sparse. I want to just read more - I recently picked up a couple of books for the first time in months and finished them within a week, and now I want to read MORE - I used to have the excuse of reading too much fic to keep up with books but since I'm also reading the first fic that I've read in months, I haven't got a leg to stand on. I want to read the news, watch the news, learn about what's going on in the world in more than a peripheral sense.

Emotionally, I am way more than itchy. I managed to not break up with Mat (I have yet to decide whether this is a good or a bad thing) and while he makes me so happy, I am also incredibly frustrated with him about eighty percent of the time XD Right now, I am on the couch in his house, where I have been since 4.30am (it's 6am as I'm writing this), having gone to bed at midnight while he sat here playing poker for about six hours. I then got woken up at god knows what time when he came to bed, and insisted on cuddling me, in an already hot bed. When an alarm went off in another room at 4.30, I gave in and realised I wasn't getting any more sleep.

I wouldn't be in such a shitty mood about it, if it hadn't been for the shitty sex from the night before (which could have been good, if he hadn't wanted to stop just as things were getting started to watch TV instead, and then ended by him fumbling, me being completely turned off to the point of painful, and him coming really fast, and then that was it) followed by my making a big effort last night which went completely unnoticed in favour of internet poker. I have largely gone unnoticed in favour of internet poker for the last few days. Normally I wouldn't mind, but lately, it's really getting to me.

That's all an aside though, because more than all that, I am itchy to get my friendships back. I miss you guys, those of you that I only 'know' online and even more, those of you who are 'real life' friends. I feel so completely disconnected from so many of you - I know it's partly my fault, because I'm changing so much, but some of you are people who absolutely changed me for the better a few years ago, and I thought I would know you forever. Now I'm not sure if we'd have anything to say if we saw each other, if I'd like you, and especially if you'd like me as I am these days.

I want to reconnect with people - being absolutely broke means I barely see any of my friends here at the moment, and it's making me miss my LJ friends, my horsey forum friends, my Facebook friends, my school and uni friends who I've barely spoken to in years.

So I'm gonna try and make a fresh start. I've changed my layout and it is all pretty and green and fresh and summery, and I think I'm going to do an intro type post about the 'new' me lol. Because trying to fit back into my old habits and ways really isn't working, so I might as well carve out all new ones, right?!

(Millie and Lola are great btw :D)

( TMI :D )

I think, that when people ask me about my interests now, and I say 'riding', I might not always be talking about Millie ;)

Also yay is waiting for aforementioned ride (heh) to turn up and take me to get my tyre fixed, so that I can collect the adorable magic_at_mungos from the train station tomorrow in a fully functioning Car of Pink!!

ATTENTION AMERICANS!!!

More specifically, ATTENTION AMERICANS WHO CAN BAKE!!

Or Brits who know the answer, I suppose. I have a recipe calling for cream cheese. A sweet recipe (cream cheese frosting on a cake). Is this the kind of cream cheese that I'm used to over here in lil' old England?! I.E. something savoury that I'd usually have on bagels with smoked salmon, best known brand being Philadelphia? Or some other random thing that I have yet to discover?

Right, those of you with the fucking 'automatically shipped by Loudtwitter' posts? I've filtered you out of my default friends page, which is the only one I regularly read. Sorry, but I don't wanna read that shit. If I wanted to read one side of a conversation, I'd use twitter and follow you on that. I don't, and although I like all of (and even love some of) you, and want to interact with you on here, I am sick of scrolling past six or seven entries in a row on my already nicely filtered friends page.

Sorry if you think I'm overreacting. I don't care. Personally, I think Loudtwitter (which i just typed as 'Loudtwatter' and seems very appropriate) is an easy way for people to be kinda rude and ignorant. Don't wanna post properly to LJ anymore? Fine, don't, but stop with the drivel already.

Ugh.

I slept SO WELL last night. I have been sleeping like crap lately, waking up stressed and worried, not sleeping straight through - the only time I sleep well is when I sleep with Mat, which is odd, since I don't normally do well with another person in bed. I think I am feeling very lonely and insecure at the moment though, and that probably has something to do with sleeping better when he's there. The rest of the time I have had to resort to sleepy pills, which generally just make me feel slow and stupid the next morning. And yes I feel a bit like that right now, but wow. I fell asleep just after ten last night, and slept straight through until 7.15 this morning, and when I woke up I was in almost exactly the same position I went to sleep in - half on my back and half on my side, instead of all on my side, and with my dressing gown over the top of me. Mmmm.

I moved my ponies at the weekend. I was SO looking forward to it, and SO happy once we got there - just down the road, onto the yard that I have wanted to be on for YEARS, with my best friend and right next to Mat's mum's house (literally - I can look out of the spare bedroom there and see my stalls) - so of course, it had to go all wrong.

Long story short, Lola was an absolute COW today, tried to jump out of the field, got caught in the fencing, very nearly ripped her back legs off but survived with just a cut on her nose (sadly, little madam needs to learn a lesson), and then spent an hour running me around the field and getting herself all sweaty and vile so that I had to hang around in the freezing cold for HOURS waiting for her to cool down and dry off. Millie was, as usual, a saint through the whole thing, and I will never, ever regret the day that I bought that amazing little horse.

I may well regret the day that I cried tears of joy over a blob on an ultrasound screen >_<

I am fighting with my mom. Well. We haven't spoken since Friday. I was kind of expecting something like this - she tend to have these little explosions when things go well for me, when I start getting stuff sorted out, but my priorities aren't her priorities. I spend a lot of time out of the house at times like this, because she makes home life as difficult for me as she can - she stops me spending time with the kids, but ignores the babies crying at night, so I have to get up to see to them. She makes it difficult for me to do basic things - shower, use the bathroom, eat - knowing that I will eventually be so hungry, or the stress and embarrassment of having to shower at other people's houses will make me crack, but honestly? I'm too exhausted to have the conciliatory fight any more. I can't try and point out her completely insane reasoning, and I can't keep giving in. I've done that with her my whole life, and it's crossed over into my interactions with other people - I almost broke up with Mat because I put my foot down and decided not to, so I'm not going to let her fucking win.

I really wish I could go get some food though. Two pieces of toast and a banana is not enough to deal with running around after crazy ponies XD

My extra icon spaces are running out soon, apparently. I barely use half of them, but this still makes me kinda sad :(

I would really like tonight's sleepy pills to kick in some time soon XD

There's this smell, a fairly distinctive odour, that for years I have associated with my cousin, well, more his bedroom. When I went to visit him last year, it struck me as odd that his room didn't have this particular smell. Having never really smelled it elsewhere, it never occurred to me that it was anything more than a combination of computers (they totally have a smell, and he always had several running in his room) and his general scent.

I now recognise it as the smell of computers, sweaty boy, and spunk. Having never spent much time in a room where there would be a large quantity of sweaty boy and/or spunk, I had obviously never encountered it before.

I'm not sure what is worse - having the smell of the room where I've been banging my boyfriend remind me of my cousin and the room where I first encountered the Intarwebz, or realizing just what that smell probably was, and thus tainting several fond childhood memories.

---

I am going out tonight to have drinks with people I don't know, in honour of the eighteenth birthday of the girl who apparently counts as one of Mat's worst ever sexual encounters. She and her friend still have a bit of a thing for him (their standards are low). It is going to be awfully hard not to be revoltingly smug and drape myself possessively all over him.

---

I cleared out all my clothes yesterday, threw a bunch out for charity - I made a bunch of space in my wardrobe, cleared out two large drawers and two small ones, and my underwear and socks are now spread over two large and one small drawers, my jammies and jammie socks over two small, so I can get to things without piling everything out onto the bed and cramming bras on top of each other. This is fun :D

I do have about forty shirts to iron and put away, but they all go in my small closet, so it's fine.

---

My fake-tanned-legs are splotchy :( This upsets me, since I am going out tomorrow night and I wanted to wear the pretty purple dress Mat bought me for Christmas. I could live with splotchy legs if only the dress looked awesome - sadly, it is too big on the boobs and thus requires padding and taping and much fussing :( But it is PURPLE.

---

I wish my sex drive would decrease. Or even like, die for a week or two.

---

I want to change my layout, but I don't know what to. I want new icons - particularly pony ones - but I am useless and have no pretty photos to make pony icons. Blah.

So, for the first time ever this week, I had to have my doctor poke aorund 'down there' Was very nervous; I went in on Tuesday cos I'd been having 'issues' since Sunday, and the following conversation happened.

( TMI. From you Vee? What a shocker. )

I've missed a couple of days because I've been not-at-home and stuff, but here I am, catching up! I also have a bunch of entries open in tabs to reply to, since you guys seem to have been having a rough few days :( I'll get to them soon, I swear!!

Saturday made me happy in it's entirety, since I spent THE WHOLE DAY in bed/having sex. I'm suffering for it now, however, oh yes XD

Sunday was blah, except for om nom nom dinner with Mat's grandparents. OH MY GOD. Sunday lunch, which I used to dread, has become the highlight of my week. Roast lamb done PERFECTLY, cold ham, crispy golden roast potatoes, yummy weirdly mashed and spiced carrots, turnips and parsnips, cauliflower and broccoli cheese, mash with NO LUMPS (Mat's job - ohmygod I have a boyfriend who can make smooth mashed potato, was he built just for me?!) sprouts, home made gravy, hot bread - mmmmm. Followed by home made raspberry and strawberry jelly in a little cinnamon basket thing, with ice cream, and pears cooked in red wine, with cream. SO GOOD OMG. And a couple of hours in front of the massive wide screen TV with Mat. SUCH a good Sunday.

Today, eh. Snow is pretty, horses are pretty, horses in snow are very pretty. They are not, however, easy to deal with. My pipes are frozen - I am carting hot water up in the middle of the night for them to drink, and shovelling snow off a yard that gets NO sun is um. Not great fun XD But Millie is half clipped (I'm having to do a little each day, as it's too cold for me to hold the clippers for very long) and looking pretty, Lola is just generally adorable, and tomorrow, I intend to take pictures of them :D

Speaking of, I have a very great need to start getting Lola out and about alone. I have been horribly neglectful of her lately - apart from making sure she is clean(ish) and warm (toasty) and keeping up on her basic manners ('back', 'over', 'NO!' and walking beside me politely to and from the field) I've done nothing. She's SO good about being on her own now - really calm when Millie goes out for a ride, just neighs a little bit then goes back to grazing - taking her away from Millie is another story. If I leave Millie on the yard or in the field, Millie gets very upset, which upsets Lola. It starts with whinnying and trying to turn round, then dancing about, and eventually escalates to rearing and trying to bolt. NOT GOOD.

I'm thinking of getting a friend to ride Millie away from the yard - well out of hearing range - and then taking Lola out down the road and back. Just a short way, and just to have her out on her own. Maybe building it up a little at a time and slowly working up to having Millie walk away from her - because I really don't want her to grow up getting stressy when other horses walk away.

Hmmm. We shall see.

Nothing has made me overly happy today. Well, something did, but it is too TMI even for ME to post XD

Cheering was clipping Millie's legs and finding that all the scabs which have been so stubbornly clinging on and I was fretting about, are mostly just in her fur now and her legs are almost better \o/

Not so great is not really achieving ANYTHING and having a nasty long Saturday coming up. Also sleeping for two hours in the bath, ugh. And having my riding lesson cancel on me by NOT TURNING UP. Yeah thanks dude.

Weirdly, I also realized I really need to spend less time with my boy. Like, a LOT less. Because I'm finding myself horribly bereft and lonely when he's not around. Which is not good, and particularly annoying because three months ago I was used to doing stuff alone. Hmmm. Oooh this relationship stuff is hard!

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope it brings you everything you are hoping for - or if not, at least takes you forward in your life rather than back <3

The bosomful sillyshy tagged me a while back for the eight-days-of-things-that-make-you-happy meme, and I intended to start it today, to give me a kick start into posting more for the new year. But events conspired against me, and instead, I am resolving to post with something that made me happy EVERY DAY for all of January. I always have a thing about not posting scrappy little posts, and end up saving everything up so that I then have too much to post.

And I feel really disconnected from all of you lovely, lovely people right now, so I want to make an effort to post something each day - something about my day, something that happened to me, whatever. Just for January, I think. And I would love it if you guys responded with something about your day - anything, completely unrelated, whatever :D

So, starting today - my car broke this morning. Seriously, the first thing I go to do in the New Year - feed and turn out my ponies - and it goes wrong before I even get there :( Halfway round an island, the gearbox decided that no, it wouldn't go into second, it would stay in first, but the stick could go into neutral. Resulting in my needing a new gearbox, which I just don't have the money for right now, but which I am truly stuffed without, because I need to get back and forth to my ponies about three times a day at the moment D:

BUT. I had an incredible happy making thing happen this morning (at about two am) which kick started the New Year so well that I just can't be miserable about my car - for the first time, Mat and I both said 'I love you', while sober. Maybe small to some people, but it's HUGE to me - I've loved people before, but always felt awkward telling them, and I've never been 'in love' (I feel that to be 'in love' you need to have the other person love you back, and the same time). It just felt huge, especially since I said it first (he's actually said it to me a lot before, but always when he's been drunk/half asleep) and I was jittery and nervous. But it felt really natural saying it, and seeing this massive grin spread across his face just. It's been a long time since I've been that happy *_*

WE HAVE MICE IN THE BATHROOM D: D: D: We have no idea how they got in - we do have a small hole in the floorboards behind the sink, but how did they get into the floor?! And we have no idea what to do with them - my mom is an idiot and humane traps, I won't let her use regular ones, and I hate the idea of poisoning, besides which they'll probably go back to their nest, die, rot and stink. Ugh.

I don't mind mice. I have loads at the yard, and they are friendly and sweet, and cuddle my bunnies (seriously, I've caught the bunnies snuggled up with ten mice curled up to them before now) and sometimes I find them in my hay bucket, waiting for me to tip them out. But I don't want them in my house. Especially not in my bathroom XD

ANYWAY. I hope Christmas was awesome for everyone!! Mine was...different, and amazing, and fun, and made me a little sad because last Christmas I was with a very close friend who I don't think I'll ever be close to again. But this year was my busiest Christmas EVER - I was still shopping on Christmas Eve, taking Dylan for his first bus ride (which he loved - on the top of a double decker, in the front seats, 'it's like we're flying, Teetee!!'). Dinner with Mat's grandparents Christmas Eve, and then Mat stayed at mine; pissed me off royally so that I had an awful night of sleep, but waking up all snuggled up on Christmas morning was nice :D

I did Christmas morning at home, after visiting the ponies. It was very...meh. My family are not hugely Christmassy - it was nice seeing Dylan open his presents, since I was away the last two years, but other than that, it was just blah. I went to Mat's mum's house in the afternoon, and my presents from them were more awesome than those from my family (which sounds ungrateful, and probably is, but srsly, I was surprised and delighted by them, which is not something that EVER happens with pressies in my house). There was yummy food and chatting and lots and lots of drinking, and by midnight we were in Harry's mum's house (just down the road) drinking and dancing and being ridiculous.

Seeing my boyfriend groping his best mate's mum, and his own mother gyrating on the kitchen table was possibly the highlight of my Christmas XD

Mat and I left early and went back to his mum's house, and I discovered that although I like how handsy and grabby he gets when he is drunk, I do not appreciate his attitude towards sex when he is hammered. I didn't have to get violent, but it was close XD

Boxing Day I think he realised how pissed off I was, and instead of staying in bed like I knew he wanted to, he dutifully dragged himself up and out for several hours of car rides and a couple of hours of tramping around the countryside following the Boxing Day foxhunt. Dinner at his mum's again, and pissy tempers from the both of us that resulted in him arriving at my house late and miserable but you know, cuddles fix everything.

I got some lovely presents - money from my mum earlier in the month, so I could buy pony stuff that I was desperate for, and then some slippers and a hot water bottle that I reallllly wanted on Christmas Day. Also pyjamas to match, not the ones I liked but still nice, though FLEECE, so I will never be able to wear them at home XD She also got me a dressing gown, again, not the one I wanted - but when Mat got me another one she took it bag and swapped it for cigarettes. Niiiice XD

Two dresses (one too big, one too small, both of which I LOVE) from Mat, plus dressing gown. Possibly a book still to come :D A bottle of Advocaat, two lovely pairs of earrings and some bangles from his mum - all of which i LOVE but would never have thought to buy for myself. A jumper, pen set, and mine toolkit (in pink!) from his nan, which again, I love :D Some perfume (which I had written down exactly what I wanted and where it was cheapest), a puzzle book (um) and a weird little thing that is supposed to flash when my phone rings, only it isn't compatible with my phone, from my nan. And a fab top that I adore from my best mate :D

Tomorrow, I am not going out because I got no dollah! So I am making raspberry chocolate pie things, and going for pizza, beer and DVD's with my two best friends. I am excited and cheerful and really kind of looking forward to the New Year - for once I feel like I'm starting it from a good place, even though I still have sucky stuff hanging over my head.

I do have a broken toe from falling up the stairs (sober!!) a couple of days ago, but it is fine XD

And because I am cheery, here is a pic of me and my boy, looking ridrunkulous (but also a little cute, maybe?) from the rugby pre-Christmas blowout thinger.

( Not quite a smile XD )

Happy New Year everyone!!

The lovely flamewarrior tagged me :D

a. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
b. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

( There's almost never any questions I dislike... )

Hmmm. I always feel awkward tagging, but I tag _turtledove, calyxess, impysh, fadagaski, shinko, scrat_squirrel, sillyshy (who may have already been tagged/done this, but I am dippy and don't remember XD) and snailfin

My life is full of win right now.

My ponies are clean and happy and being so incredibly good at the moment it is glee-making.

I am watching Gossip Girl and painting my nails sparkly dark pink.

I have a huuuuuuge yummy pizza to nom on, that I didn't pay for.

I have an awesome boyfriend who keeps forcing orgasms on me and is letting me stay in his house and clean it while he goes to work (he thinks he's getting the good end of the deal here - he doesn't realise what a total bitch I will be about keeping it clean, and I totally owe him since I've been pretty much living here for two weeks).

If I won the lottery, I would have to kill myself, because I would never again be so happy.

Waking up to happy texts from America at four thirty this morning is possibly the only time I will ever not be mad at the time difference.

Going to sleep last night was like Christmas Eve, and this morning? This is better than any Christmas morning I've ever had.

Thankyou, America.

♥

HELP ME TO HAVE BETTER SEX.

No, seriously you guys. I mean. Occasionally it seems sort of good but it occurs to me that I'm only thinking that because it's not TERRIBLE like the first few times. But, he thinks it's been pretty bad too and now I am all OMG WHAT DO I DOOOO D:

So. What do I do?! I have NEVER been this nervous and ridiculous with girls, but I have also never had straight sex sober before, so I find myself terrified about oh, ninety percent of the time XD We are not eye to eye AT ALL kink-wise so anything I wanna try I can pretty much forget (for the time being). I am VERY submissive with guys so getting all pushy is really hard for me. I've pretty much gotten over my I HATE COCK issues (I don't close my eyes when he gets naked any more XD) and there's not a lot I won't try, so, um.

Help? Please?!

For anyone with tongue or nipple piercings, I cannot recommend acrylic bars/balls enough. Seriously. I have two acrylic bars in my tongue now, and they are SOOOOO much less painful if you flick your teeth (and less likely to chip) and more flexible too. Same goes for booby piercings - more flexible, more comfortable, and such pretty colours :D

So I pretty much fail at LJ these days. This is due in part to my embarrassing new love of Facebook, and my less embarrassing new social life. Of course, the fact that I spend approximately eighty percent of my online time with a Facebook tab open doesn't mean that I am going to be any better at replying to/keeping in touch with people over there, either XD

I have managed to acquire a boyfriend! It feels weird to call him that. Boyfriend. Hee XD He is nice, 22, plays rugby, not completely unintelligent. Hot enough, I think - not my usual type of boy, since he has short hair and doesn't wear eye makeup - but mostly people seem to wonder what he is doing with me in a 'he could do better' kind of way, so I guess that's good? Meaning that I assume he is, by general opinion, fairly attractive and nice XD

However, he is fun, and several kinds of adorable. I think I might find it kind of difficult to stop myself completely falling for him - he lets me drive his car, hang out with his friends, doesn't seem to mind when I burp. He is sweet with my horses, who approve of him. Sex was kind of crap to start, but I think it's getting better. Well, it is for me XD And how am I supposed to not adore a boy who compares stretchmarks with me, laughs like a girl, and squeals (honest to god yelping, I swear) when I smack at him. And who has already mastered the bitch/jerk exchange, without realising the context behind it 8D

So, yes. Real life is kicking my butt, since I'm actually attempting to HAVE one. And I am missing my onlineness and talking to people and being up to date with things, but instead of being sensible and staying in and catching up, I'm going to go shower and make myself pretty, and go get laid. I hope XD

God, subconscious. PLEASE stop focussing on my ACTUAL WORRIES and turning them into nightmares. Last night I dreamed that I took FOUR pregnancy tests and they ALL came up positive. And I woke up crying, holding my stomach, and feeling like I needed to vomit.

But anyway. I appear to have developed a social life. I have actually gone out, to places where there is music, and flashy lights, and dancing, and people. More than once. AND. I enjoyed it. This is shockingly unlike me. In addition, I appear to have gained a boy...something. Definitely not the casual shag that I initially thought he was, but not quite a boyfriend either. And yet. He drives me places, talks to my horses, plans trips to the cinema with annoying precision, and doesn't get upset when I get drunk and demand more sex. In front of his friends. I am confused, and perpetually horny these days, and it is not helping things. But oh, it is fun XD

Ugh. I am craving salt and carbs in a HUGE way at the moment. Whyyyyyy, when I am trying to cut down on these things, is this all I want to eat?! That and raw peas, which I just ate an entire package of, and now wish there were more.

Apparently, I don't have a working browser. I have a feeling something on my flist is crashing every single browser I have installed, since I can look at EVERY OTHER FUCKING THING without a problem.

I also woke up having major trouble breathing this morning. My entire upper chest feels tight and I feel horribly light headed and short of breath. This is not good, since I have to groom both my ponies, clean out my rabbits, much out two stables and teach an hour long lesson tonight, THEN go out and behave like a civilised person.

In happier news, I am really enjoying the existence of Chace Crawford.

I just finished watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.

As a HUGE Narnia fan, who can read the books and love them and not prattle on about the horrible religious nonsense (I am aware of it, I choose to ignore it) and also someone who is very good at watching movies adapted from books and appreciating them in their own right, all I have to say is what a fucking mess.

In other news, for the last eight days I have had the adorable calyxess right up in my personal space almost 24 hours a day. We hung out in London for the last few days, where starcrossedgirl and petulans were wonderful enough to let us take over their spare room, couch, and kitchen, and lizardspots accompanied us shopping, which was a good thing, and probably prevented me from attempting to strangle everyone within touching distance XD

Nat flew home yesterday though, and now I feel lonely and bereft :( My room feels huge and cold and empty and half of my bed smells like her perfume (but no, I swear, I am not obsessively sniffing it) and I don't want to watch the next episode of Lost in Austen or the first new Spn without her (even though we forgot and failed at watching anything except the gag reel while she was here) :(

Just in case I wasn't depressed enough, I got my period on the train home from London. And I have a fairly high chance of getting some action this weekend. NOT ANYMORE, THANKS, MOTHER NATURE.

I think I owe comments. I am barely capable of functioning (because Nat is like oxygen to me yo, and I am like a fish flopping about on the beach without her. Or maybe because I am sticking to my diet now and determined not to have anything to eat, thus I am grumbly and sleepy.) so um. Tomorrow, I promise.

Tagged by sillyshy

A) People who are tagged must answer on their blogs and replace any horrid question with questions of their own design.

B) Tag 8 people.

( Stuff about meeee )

I don't know who to tag!! Ummmm _turtledove, bunney,impysh, kitsuneneko, magic_at_mungos, scrat_squirrel, tavi_b and purplethings :D

I have so many things I want to waffle about and not enough time, because calyxess is coming to stay tonight and the week's worth of stuff I need to get done before she gets here? Yeah, I left it until now. And I'm still in my jammies, watching Shelter since you all won't shut up about it. I might even be watching it for the second time in a row *shifty eyes*. And totally not for the pretty boys actually - more because the setting really reminds me of the places I loved best in the States.

BUT OH GOD the stuff I want to talk about. I am HAPPY, because my ponies are healthy, Millie is behaving well when ridden, Lola is GROWING. I am SAD because Millie has scabby legs and I just can't clear it up and I am worried she will get infected, and Lola is GROWING.

I am HAPPY because I have new pets - two bunnies and a hamster that I rescued/stole (lol yes really, and I will totally explain at some point). I am SAD because they are nervous and fearful of people and one bunny has a poorly eye.

I am HAPPY because there are mild stirrings in the area of my 'love' life. I am SAD because I don't quite know how to deal with that and am repeatedly fucking things up (spending 17 hours in his company and only touching him TWICE - once on the elbow and once when I hugged him goodbye. AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.)

I am HAPPY that there are only one or two people being assy about the outcome of the Lexicon case on my flist, and I can scroll on by. I am SAD about the outcome, obviously. Really, really sad. It sucks, and I'm hoping it's not the end, because sorry, I don't think it was just, or fair. I will always be a fan of JKR for writing the books, but that's where it ends now, and in this matter, the 'losing' side have my support and respect, because I think they and their supporters are the only ones who came out of this with any semblance of classiness. And that's all I'm gonna say.

I am very very unhappy that I have about 40% of my clothes to get washed, ironed and put away, as well as cleaning my room and two cars, and giving someone a riding lesson, before Nat gets here. YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT VEE.